Self-worth as a Christian

Recently, I have been struggling to find my worth in the face of relational difficulties. A friend of mine who I thought was a close friend turned out to not be as close as I thought. It felt agonizing to watch her have closer relationships with other coworkers, and I fought myself not to burst into tears as I stocked bread at work. 

I often feel left out at work. I feel like these people I spend forty hours per week with are my friends, but then I go on instagram or hear people talking and realize they have all been hanging out without me. That is truly an awful feeling. My psychiatrist just told me my thoughts were tricking me, that I just needed to improve my self-esteem. Another friend said I needed to accept myself for who I am. These all sound like nice ideas, but my question is, how do I implement these and develop a healthier quality of life and more stable sense of self?

I found a reddit thread that advocated for journaling about things like what are things you excel at, and what do you like about yourself. I began to journal through these prompts, but I wondered, "How does being a Christian influence my self-worth and self-esteem?"

I then pivoted to Christian theologian John Piper. He is most known for espousing the concept of Christian Hedonism. "Christian Hedonism is the conviction that God’s ultimate goal in the world (his glory) and our deepest desire (to be happy) are one and the same, because God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." Piper writes about self-esteem as a Christian: “So stop loving yourself like that, and start doing the duty of love to other people. Stop having those strong cravings for your own happiness and your own welfare. Stop that, kill that, crucify that, die to that, and start doing something that doesn’t flow from desires for your happiness and just do dutiful, loving things.” If I am honest, that sounds incredibly exhausting. How do I get the motivation to do these things? And how does this relate to my happiness and even rest in the Lord?

So I guess I'm left with, "What does God say about my self worth? Does he care if I feel like crap and want to be part of community?". Well, in fact, community is central to God's plan for Christians. According to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." We are not meant to be alone; we need each other, need community.  But what do I do when I am rejected? How do I keep my confidence so that I do not crumble if others do not like me or want to spend time with me?

I think self-worth for a Christian comes from living in light of what God has done for me on the cross. I need to live in His love. I need to remember that He gave His life for me so that I can be in relationship with Him. I have the best community in Him. I need to remember that my worth is as a daughter of the creator of the universe and a sister of our blessed Savior Jesus Christ. This should give me confidence that I don't need acceptance from others because I already have acceptance from the One who matters the most. Still, rejection from others is going to sting. We all want to fit in.

AND. It is also important to recognize the ways the Lord has made me and to appreciate and have confidence in that. He has made everyone different. So yes, it is important to think of ways that I am special and things I like about myself, because God has made me that way, and he likes them as well. I think, as it relates to Piper's directive to serve, serve, serve, knowing who you are and how God has created you leads you to find ways to serve others in line with your character and capabilities. And I think it is important to love yourself. Not to be in love with yourself but to respect yourself and your boundaries. To guard your energy by saying no when necessary, To discern when certain groups or activities or people are not good for you, because they lead you further away from Christ or even just turn you into the worst version of yourself. 

In all of this, it is paramount to spend time with and rest in the Lord. I take the following verses (Matthew 11:28-30) very seriously: " Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”As someone who struggles with both physical and mental health issues, I have seen how important it is to know my limits and to know that God accepts me despite those. If I don't have the energy to volunteer to help refugees in my community, no matter how much I have the desire to do it, God understands. He wants what's best for me, and sometimes that involves saying no.

So how do I build up my self worth and self love? See myself the way the Lord sees me. See the things he loves about me. Be confident that He loves me and has a plan for my life (even if it may be vastly different or much harder than what I would give myself). Of course, this also means taking stock of the things he doesn't like and trying to change accordingly. All done in view of God's grace; I will fall time and time again and fail to change in the way He would like; but He will still love me and accept me through it. I'm honestly still a bit murky about how everything in relation to God and self-worth ties together, but that's ok. God will continue to lead me and teach me through it. As one of my favorite hymns (All the Way My Savior Leads Me) puts it, "All the way my Savior leads me. What have I to ask beside? Can I doubt his tender mercy, who thru' life has been my Guide? Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort, here by faith in him to dwell! For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus fashions all things well".